What Is a Eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of the person who has died. It is one of the most personal and meaningful parts of any funeral service, offering those who knew and loved the deceased an opportunity to reflect on who they were, what they meant to the people in their lives, and the legacy they leave behind.
Writing a eulogy can feel like an enormous responsibility, especially when you are also grieving. But most people who deliver eulogies find it a profoundly meaningful experience — a final act of love and tribute. This guide will take you through every step of writing and delivering a eulogy, from the first blank page to standing at the lectern.
Who Gives the Eulogy?
There is no rule about who must give a eulogy. In most cases, it is delivered by someone who knew the deceased well: a spouse or partner, a child, a sibling, a best friend, or a colleague. In some cases, multiple people give short eulogies — a family member, followed by a friend, for example.
If no one feels able to speak, or if the family would prefer, the funeral celebrant or officiant can deliver a tribute on behalf of the family, drawing on information that relatives and friends have shared. This is increasingly common and takes the pressure off grieving family members while still ensuring the service is personal and meaningful.
If you have been asked to give a eulogy, it is an honour — and it is completely normal to feel nervous, emotional, or uncertain where to start.
How Long Should a Eulogy Be?
The ideal eulogy is between five and ten minutes when spoken aloud. This corresponds to approximately 700–1,200 words of written text, depending on how quickly you speak (most people speak at around 120–150 words per minute when nervous).
Most funeral services are 30–45 minutes in total, and a service may include music, readings, prayers, and one or two eulogies. If you are unsure how long your eulogy should be, discuss it with the funeral director or celebrant, who will know how the service is structured. If you are still in the early stages of planning, our /funeral-cost-calculator/ can help you understand what is involved and what different services typically include.
A eulogy of five minutes that is heartfelt and specific is always more powerful than a fifteen-minute speech that loses focus.
What to Include in a Eulogy: Gathering Your Material
Before you start writing, take time to gather your thoughts and gather input from others. Even if you knew the person well, you may not know all aspects of their life. Speaking to family members, friends, and colleagues can reveal stories and qualities you were unaware of.
Consider the following prompts:
- What are your strongest, most vivid memories of this person?
- What made them laugh? What did they love?
- What were they proudest of?
- What impact did they have on the people around them?
- What phrases, sayings, or habits were distinctly theirs?
- What do you most want people to remember about them?
- What did they teach you, or what did they inspire you to do?
Write down everything that comes to mind without filtering. You will edit and shape it later.
How to Structure a Eulogy: A Step-by-Step Framework
A eulogy does not need to follow a rigid format, but most effective eulogies share a similar broad structure:
1. Opening (30–60 seconds)
Start with something that grounds the audience and establishes your relationship with the deceased. Avoid opening with "I was asked to say a few words today" — instead, try to open with a sentence that immediately brings the person to life. For example: "If you knew David, you knew that no gathering was complete without him disappearing into the kitchen and returning with food for everyone — whether he'd been invited to cook or not."
A powerful opening line creates an immediate emotional connection and tells the audience something true about the person.
2. A Brief Life Story (1–2 minutes)
Provide a brief narrative of the person's life: where they were born, where they grew up, key milestones such as education, career, marriage, and family. This gives context, especially for mourners who may not know the whole story. Keep this section concise — a chronology of facts alone does not make a moving eulogy.
3. The Heart of the Eulogy: Character and Stories (3–5 minutes)
This is the most important section. Rather than listing qualities (she was kind, generous, funny), demonstrate those qualities through specific stories and anecdotes. Stories are what people remember; abstractions are not.
Choose two or three anecdotes that capture the essence of the person. A funny story about their stubbornness, a touching moment that shows their kindness, a piece of advice they gave that you never forgot. Specific, vivid details — the exact phrase they used, the look on their face — make a eulogy come alive.
It is absolutely appropriate to include humour if it reflects the person's character. Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful — it is a celebration of life, and it often provides mourners with much-needed emotional relief. The key is that any humour should be affectionate and would have made the person themselves smile.
4. Their Legacy and Impact (1–2 minutes)
Speak to what the person leaves behind — not just in material terms, but in terms of how they changed the people who knew them. What values did they pass on? What did they teach you? How did the world change because they were in it? This section moves the eulogy from the past to the present and future, which is where it needs to go emotionally.
5. Closing (30–60 seconds)
End on a note that brings comfort to the mourners. This might be a favourite quote or poem that meant something to the deceased, a direct address to them, a call on mourners to carry on a tradition they loved, or simply your own heartfelt farewell. Avoid ending abruptly — give the ending time to breathe.
Writing Tips
- Write for the ear, not the eye. Read every sentence aloud as you write it. A eulogy is a spoken piece; it should sound natural, not like a formal essay.
- Use short sentences. Long, complex sentences are hard to follow when spoken and harder still when you are emotional.
- Be specific. "She made the best Victoria sponge in Yorkshire" is more vivid and moving than "She was a good cook."
- Be honest without being unkind. A eulogy should be truthful, but it is not the place for complicated feelings. If the relationship was difficult, focus on what was good.
- Avoid clichés. Phrases like "she's in a better place" or "time heals all wounds" have been heard so many times they have lost their power. Fresh, personal language is always more moving.
- Print in large font. Print your final eulogy in at least 14-point font, double-spaced, with wide margins. You may be reading through tears and in poor lighting.
Delivering the Eulogy: Practical Tips
No matter how composed you feel before the funeral, it is entirely normal to become emotional during the delivery. You are not expected to maintain perfect composure — mourners will understand. However, the following tips can help:
- Practise aloud at least three or four times before the day, including once in the space if possible.
- Slow down. People speak faster when nervous. Consciously pace yourself.
- Pause deliberately. Pauses after emotional moments give you and the audience time to breathe.
- If you feel overwhelmed, stop, take a breath, and sip from a glass of water if one is available. The audience will wait patiently.
- Have a backup plan. Ask a trusted friend to be ready to step in and finish reading if you are unable to continue. Alternatively, give a copy to the celebrant or officiant.
- Look up occasionally. Eye contact with specific people in the audience — particularly family members — can create moments of real connection.
Should You Write It Down or Speak from Memory?
Always write your eulogy down and read from a printed script. Even the most experienced public speakers do not attempt to memorise a eulogy at a funeral — the emotional weight of the occasion makes it unreliable to depend on memory alone. Having the full text in your hands is a safety net that frees you to be present in the moment, rather than anxious about forgetting your next point.
This guide is provided by the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), which represents funeral directing businesses conducting over 80% of all UK funerals. Find a trusted NAFD funeral director near you.
Eulogy Examples for Different Relationships
Reading examples of eulogies can help break the blank-page paralysis. The following short passages illustrate different tones and relationships — use them as a springboard, not a template. The most powerful eulogies are always rooted in specific, true detail.
Eulogy Example: For a Parent
"Mum never thought of herself as remarkable. She would have found this whole occasion slightly embarrassing. But remarkable is exactly what she was — not in any headline-making way, but in the way that matters most: she made every person in her life feel completely seen. She remembered the name of your colleague you'd mentioned once six months ago. She sent cards for things that weren't card occasions. She showed up. Every single time, she showed up. And now we have to figure out how to show up without her — which feels impossible, and which is also, I think, the greatest compliment we could ever pay her."
Eulogy Example: For a Spouse or Partner
"Forty-one years is a long time to share a life with someone. Long enough that you stop being two people and become something harder to explain. I don't know who I am without him yet. But I know who I was with him: braver, funnier, and considerably better fed. He cooked every meal in this marriage. Every single one. I want that noted for the record."
Eulogy Example: For a Friend
"The thing about Priya was that she never let you take yourself too seriously — but she took you completely seriously. She would gently demolish your excuses and then sit with you while you figured out what you actually wanted. She was the person I called when I needed the truth. I still reach for my phone to call her now, and I suspect I always will."
Eulogy Example: For a Grandparent
"Grandad had a saying for everything. Half of them didn't quite make sense, and he delivered them all with the same absolute confidence. 'You can't push a rope' was a favourite — I still have no idea what it means, but I find myself saying it now, and somehow it helps."
How to Deliver a Eulogy: Practical Tips for the Day
Writing the eulogy is one challenge; delivering it in front of grieving family and friends is another. Here is what experienced celebrants and those who have been through it recommend:
- Print in large font, double-spaced. Aim for at least 14pt. You may be reading through tears, in dim light, or with shaking hands. Make it easy on yourself.
- Practise aloud at least three times. Silent reading gives you no sense of timing or where your voice will catch. Practise to a mirror, a trusted friend, or an empty room.
- Mark your pauses. Use a forward slash (/) in your printed text wherever you want to pause and breathe. It slows you down and helps you stay in control.
- Look up regularly. You do not need to make sustained eye contact — even glancing just above heads creates connection without the emotional intensity of direct eye contact.
- Bring water. A dry mouth is one of the most common physical effects of anxiety. Ask for a glass to be placed at the lectern.
- Give yourself permission to pause. If you feel overwhelmed, stop, breathe, and take a sip of water. The congregation will wait. No one in that room wants you to rush.
- Have a backup plan. Agree in advance with the celebrant or a trusted family member that if you genuinely cannot continue, they will step in and finish reading for you. Knowing this safety net exists often makes it easier to start.
Is It Acceptable to Break Down During a Eulogy?
Yes — completely. Tears are not a sign of weakness or failure; they are a sign of love. Most mourners find a speaker's tears deeply moving rather than uncomfortable. You are not there to perform composure; you are there to honour someone. Do both as best you can.
Can You Use Humour in a Eulogy?
Absolutely. Laughter and grief are not opposites — they often arrive together. If the person you are honouring was funny, irreverent, or self-deprecating, it would be a disservice to deliver a solemnly formal tribute. Gentle, affectionate humour that reflects who the person truly was is almost always welcomed, and often brings relief to a room full of people who have been holding their breath. The key word is affectionate — the laughter should feel like love.
What If You Can't Write or Deliver the Eulogy Yourself?
Being asked to give a eulogy is an honour, but it is not an obligation — and it is not always possible. Grief affects people differently, and for some, the idea of speaking in public while in acute grief is simply too much. This is not a failure of love; it is a recognition of what you can manage.
There are several options if you find yourself in this position:
- Ask the funeral celebrant or officiant to deliver the tribute. This is one of the most common approaches. A skilled celebrant will spend time with family and friends gathering memories and stories, then craft and deliver a tribute that feels personal and true — even though they may not have known the deceased personally. Many families are surprised at how moving this can be.
- Ask someone else to read your words. You can write the eulogy yourself and ask a friend, sibling, or the celebrant to read it on your behalf. Some people find this the best of both approaches: your words, delivered by someone steadier on that particular day.
- Co-write with others. Gathering contributions from several people, then weaving them into a single tribute, shares the emotional weight and often produces a richer portrait of the person.
- Submit a written tribute for the order of service. If speaking is not possible, a short written piece included in the printed order of service ensures your words are still part of the day.
Your funeral director can advise you on what works best for the service you are planning and connect you with an experienced celebrant. /find-a-funeral-director/
Eulogy Writing Checklist: Before You Stand Up to Speak
Use this checklist in the days leading up to the service:
- ☐ Gathered memories and stories from family and friends
- ☐ Written a first draft without over-editing
- ☐ Structured it: opening — life story — personal qualities — anecdotes — closing
- ☐ Read it aloud and timed it (aim for 5–10 minutes)
- ☐ Checked the tone reflects the person — their humour, values, character
- ☐ Printed in large font (minimum 14pt), double-spaced
- ☐ Marked pauses and emotional moments in the text
- ☐ Practised aloud at least three times
- ☐ Agreed a backup plan with the celebrant or a trusted friend
- ☐ Arranged for water at the lectern
- ☐ Shared a copy with the funeral director or celebrant in case of emergency
